Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Swing Life Away

Trees, critters and bugs...

I couldn't help but wonder how ironic it was that the prospect of camping attracted me two days ago. Little was I aware that nature would lose its charm once I was lost in it. I was neither excited by the smell of fresh earth nor the freshness of the breeze. The sole thought on my mind then was how much better the weekend would have been vegetating before the television and consuming all sorts of unhealthy products. I glanced at my watch and nearly jerked. It was two in the afternoon but the gloomy darkness suggested that it was more than just the leaves that were blocking off the sunlight.

"Andrew! Wait for me!"

It was Judith. Another camper who had strayed away from the group and shared a similar fate with me; lost with no means of communication from the rest of the world. Usually, I would have loved this sort of situation. The idea of being alone with some random chick in the middle of nowhere always had a romantic feel, and the possibility of getting laid in such a setting... sweet. The only problem was that Judith was no random chick. I yelled back at her and she finally caught up. She strolled lazily along the path with a cigarette fixed to her lips and an expression of intolerable despair.

"You're walking too fast!", she complained. She had instinctively fished my jacket out of my backpack and made herself a "clean" spot to sit. I glared at her.

"You should be grateful it's me. Anyone else would have left you to your doom."

"Jared wouldn't.", she retorted. Jared was her boyfriend, whose name she couldn't resist flaunting around.

"Well Jared ain't here missy. You better get your pretty ass off my jacket and start walking. We've gotta find shelter before it starts raining."

I usually didn't talk in that tone but the word 'Jared' agitated me. I didn't like that man, I really didn't. I had met him on three occasions and he was no more but a giant, dim-wit, douche bag. Well he kept her entertained. I never really understood how but yeah, she said so a couple hundreds of times.

"Rain? Are we close to the camp yet? Who am i kidding of course we're not. We're just getting more lost aren't we? I should have known you and I could only mean bad luck.", Judith pouted yet again.

"Well let's get moving shall we? There should be some sort of an outpost up ahead. If I'm reading this map right, that is"

Thus we stared walking. It was probably the longest and most silent walk I had ever had in my life. Hardly a word was spoken and I found myself actively attempting to avoid eye contact with her. It had been that way in the last few weeks prior to this very incident. It didn't use to be that way but a mutual friend of ours told me something and I figured that reality checks were always a bitch. I hated this whole "so close, yet so far away" bullshit, I really did.

"Did you really mean it?", I blurted out. I felt like shooting myself that instant.

"Mean what?", she replied, genuinely puzzled.

"What you told Aisha about me."

I couldn't stop there, could I? I started this shit might as well end it. But half a second after I finished my sentence, I thought to myself "fuck it".

"Nevermind."

The arkward moments painfully ticked away. I felt as though I were that guy Chandler from the show "Friends", yelling out:

"This is exactly the kind of social situation I'm not comfortable with!"

We finally sighted an almost run down hut, or something rather more like a stable. Only a shallow stream stood between us and the... stable. I merely crossed the stream with little effort but Judith had a problem.

"Ew! I don't wanna get wet!"

"Just cross, don't be a baby."

I held out my hand. Judith's face turned constipated. Alright that might not be the best way to describe her face but it definitely did turn funny. Appearantly she had no problem sitting on my favourite jacket but felt touchy about holding my hand to cross the damn stream. I just held it out and waited for her to grow up. I honestly felt the grass grew quicker.

To be contiuned

*************************************************************************************


inspired by Rise Against's "Swing Life Away"

The above post does not reflect my real life in any means.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Valentine's curse

Februaray 14th is jinxed. Quite frankly it never goes well for me discounting of course the years before I hit puberty; all i knew of V-day was chocolates and i hate chocolates. So here's a summary of reasons upon which I assert this day as probably the second worst day in the year (Christmas still takes the cake at sucking).

2002

You can't really expect much from a couple of fifteen year old kids in communist Beijing. No fancy candle lit dinner nor anything remotely "romantic" as commercialised by Hollywood and to a larger extent... Bollywood. I remember vividly, though that I was in my black converse sweater (it was two months old then) and my date had a neat outfit consisting of a white T shirt, tight jeans and a dark brown jacket, which i remeber we had gotten two weeks back after a few hours of bargaining in a language neither of us truely understood. After a few hours of ice-skating, she thought it would be fun to force chocolates into my mouth, thus I ended up swallowing a couple of the "Ferior whatsit?". We ended the night with a take-out Dominoes, at a bench in the local park, opposite a frozen lake. We nearly forgot that it was the second last day together.

2003

Mugging! I had gotten myself involved in a cult called "Tp Debaters". I happened to have had an important "interschools" preliminary debate the next day against that one asswipe i'll never forget... OLI. Unfortunately the mugging did not pay off. I lost that round and never went on to the finals.

2004

New girlfriend of five months, past the peak of the honeymoon period, just before entering the pain in the arse phase. The highlights would be ordering spicey chicken at the Thai restaurant. The dish was TOO DAMN SPICEY for normal human beings to consume, seriously. Of course we got into a pretty silly fight later on which went straight into her "Why Neil is an asshole" list. Perfect way to end a date eh?

2005

Debates Training, not that i wasn't seeing anyone then but my girlfriend happened to be my teamate as well. And the coach can be quite an asshole if one skips training. Besides I was too damn broke.



So there you go, you can tell it's either a really dull day or a day which leaves a lasting impression for the wrong reasons. I'd really love to write about this year because it was probably the only one where everything went smoothly without any last minute surprises. Actually there WAS a surprise, not to mention the bird's phone call in the middle of what could have been a perfectly awesome night out. It's a great story to tell and i'd like to do it justice so... perhaps another post.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

The road to Langkawi

The first phase has just been completed.

Three teams from Temasek to hit the beaches of Langkawi like an epedimic like no other.

Glad to say that when it came down to the try outs, we've not only got the whole band back together but we've got fresh debaters ready to feast on the flesh and blood of whatever team unfortunate enough to meet them at the Asians.

Very impressive speeches from the lot of not so impressive looking people, including my most valued former teamates. I must admit i'm rather disappointed in one particular candidate's performance that i had to keep shaking my head during his speech. He was doing a pathetic job as whip but the adjudicators seems to be buying his one line, multiple phrasing approach that really got him nowhere. It's quite scary how vaulnarable people are to a speaker's charm. One should really put his skills as an orator to good use, like good old Adolf did. (Adolf was a friend of mine from my days in Berlin... great stand up comedian). Anyhow he undertimed, three minutes and twelve seconds, yet still made it to the team. Other than that the overall performance was satisfactory. Of course we've still got a long road ahead.

Now we've got a squad of blood-thristy demons. But having the will to kill and being able to kill are two different things. The next few months will equip them with the skills they need to hunt down the lower beings and consume their very souls. The will learn to pour acid down the throats of their opponents, strike through their hearts with the sharpest arguments, and humiliate their every silly points of information. They shall learn to debate to not only win but to crush the morale of the other team so much that they will never dare speak in public ever again. They will also learn pain and to appreciate the punishments to grow from them to formulate an even more formidable speech than before.

And to all those teams who was good enough to beat my team, or got away by lucky margins of 0.5, never again! It's time to give you back what you gave to us.

Gear up squad, time to train hard.

Then we hunt...

Friday, February 10, 2006

My current addiction

Time is Running Out - Muse



I think I'm drowning
asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
that you've created

you're something beautiful
a contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

you will be the death of me
you will be the death of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
our time is running out
you can't push it underground
you can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
but I'm addicted

now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation
you'd never dream of
breaking this fixation

you will squeeze the life out of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
our time is running out
you can't push it underground
you can't stop it screaming out
how did it come to this?
ooooohh

you will suck the life out of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
our time is running out
you can't push it underground
you can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?
ooooohh

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Speechless

That's how you make me feel with your ignorance.

Why do i even bother?

Forget KL, it won't be better...

not at this rate anyways.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Stand by me

I had yet another strange dream last night. It had to be a dream, yet it felt so real. The gentle breeze brushing through my face, the scent of the wet ground, the clarity of the all too famaliar lake. The night sky was filled constellations which i had never truely learnt to identify. A star fell across the sky and it struck me... was this November fourteenth?

"If you looked hard enough, you'll always find me here..."

And i did. She listened. She smiled. She laughed. If only she were... real. I remember making a promise four years ago. Is this the way you're keeping it?

"Stop being so sad, you'll always still have me by your side"

She handed me a black sweater, with the small label "Converse" at one of its chest. I told her i missed her, and she smiled back at me. She said making someone feel special is not half as good as feeling special. I woke up the next morning with a sense of satisfaction and a smile on my face. I picked up the same sweater, i saw in my dream. I could feel her presence at my side. I know it was impossible but it feels good to know that some friends truely never leave you. They just show up when you need them the most. God, i miss you.

You were once my foe,
Eternally my friend,
And now, my guardian angel.

I miss you Lu.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Point Break

I can't take it no more

I won't fake it like before

Kiss me once more before you split my throat. Hold me once more before you burn my soul. Say you love me before you contradict those words. That is all i ask of you. Make it quick, make it painless. Just fuckin marry him and end my hopes.

I've got a magnum and the final bullet saved for me. I won't need to use it as long as you are there. Because i simply can't live with or without you. If loving you is meant to torment me then so be it. I won't live with a hollow heart. I'll never die a happy man. If it were meant to end this way then just end me.

I've tried different paths yet it leads me back where i started. There's nowhere left for me to go so let me stay and relish my agony. Regrets, i've got more than i could possibily list down. Just fuckin shoot me and make me forget that i'd ever had you.

You need not be my side, nor even mean it, to strike my heart till it bleeds and stops. Poets say love is a funny thing, and i've fallen into its pitfall.