Friday, June 23, 2006

Frustrated

Been a long week. Looking foreword to a glorious 48 hours of rest. I hope it's kept that way.

I'm sick and tired of this. I'm the loser at the end of the day as usual. And you draw me away from where i want to be.

Nevermind what I said. I'm going to do somethings we never usually have to do.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Butt Out

You know you've been smoking too much when you find it hard to catch your breath whenever you try to move on the ever so long roads of Changi Business Park. When each puff you take no longer gives you that usual satisfaction but begins to demonstrate the poisonous taste, tainted with the soul consuming nicotine and tar, which creeps deep into your body and stays there for a period of time. I used to enjoy it, I really did. In fact it still brings me a minimum amount of joy in comsuming venom but the after effects might be a little too much to take; the headache, the insomnia and occassional shivering that fills my eyes with tears stemming from the nausea of agony.

Perhaps it's time to cut down. I still get agitated when i don't have a stick around and it seems so much easier to simply pick up a stick to releive myself. I know it's not the right thing to do, finding happiness in the wrong places, yet I still do so because I'm addicted. Yep that's the problem... addiction. The usualy counter to that would be to stay away but evidently that doesn't work either. It's been drilled into my head too deep that "I NEED TO SMOKE". I'll otherwise end up in an introverted corner and have no will to eat, sleep or bet soccer. I hate that feeling.

Pity cigarettes have no affection for the people that smoke 'em.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Overloaded

Guys remind me never to take a two days medical leave again?

Work! Work! Work! I've gotta rush to place my bets!

Viva La Coupe de Monde!!!

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Creeping insecurity

If anyone knows me at all, he'd know that I'm a major slacker. I'm neither money grubbing nor status grubbing. I can stare at the most accomplished peer of mine and say good job without envying his rich wealth or knowledge. I guess it's from this, that I derive my insensitive and carefree ways with words whenever I'm around close friends. The irony is... that such characters seem to vanish before a selected group of people.

I can be totally disrespectful to my dad, but never my mom. Ignore my poly lecturers but never my grade school teachers. Quite recently I've also found myself to be getting largely influenced by the presence of women I fancy. The syndromes vary from person to person though. There's a case where I become overly introverted and moody, or agitated might be a better word. Another when I'd be desparately looking for words and thinking a million times before I utter a word. And lastly when I put on a confident, all knowing prick personality. Bottom line is

I CAN'T BE MYSELF AROUD THEM!

I can't even believe it that every time someone asks me "what kind of girls do you like?" I end up answering, "oh someone i can be myself around". It's not my fault really. It's just the unfair yardsticks modern women impose onto us men. Have to be smart, handsome, charming, rich, tall, loving, caring, sweet, sensitive......ARGH!!!! STFU already...

I mean... I could be all those things... ok 1/4 those things but I'm sick and tired of having to play up these set of "desirable traits" whenever I'm on a date. Come on... they should be spontaneous right? If i really liked a girl, such trends will come naturally LATER right? But no no... they want to see them RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THEN. Heck stop putting so much onus on me will ya? Coz as long as they keep doing that, I end up comparing myself to other guys and that sucks. All the relationships I've been in, I've always felt second best. Damn I'm not even second best right now.

At the end of the day I end up imposing too much as well so it's fair. The after effects of long term relationships sucks ass. When I'm 40, unmarried and still bitching about this on my blog, I'll regret it. But that's like twenty years from now...

Creeping insecurity

If anyone knows me at all, he'd know that I'm a major slacker. I'm neither money grubbing nor status grubbing. I can stare at the most accomplished peer of mine and say good job without envying his rich wealth or knowledge. I guess it's from this, that I derive my insensitive and carefree ways with words whenever I'm around close friends. The irony is... that such characters seem to vanish before a selected group of people.

I can be totally disrespectful to my dad, but never my mom. Ignore my poly lecturers but never my grade school teachers. Quite recently I've also found myself to be getting largely influenced by the presence of women I fancy. The syndromes vary from person to person though. There's a case where I become overly introverted and moody, or agitated might be a better word. Another when I'd be desparately looking for words and thinking a million times before I utter a word. And lastly when I put on a confident, all knowing prick personality. Bottom line is

I CAN'T BE MYSELF AROUD THEM!

I can't even believe it that every time someone asks me "what kind of girls do you like?" I end up answering, "oh someone i can be myself around". It's not my fault really. It's just the unfair yardsticks modern women impose onto us men. Have to be smart, handsome, charming, rich, tall, loving, caring, sweet, sensitive......ARGH!!!! STFU already...

I mean... I could be all those things... ok 1/4 those things but I'm sick and tired of having to play up these set of "desirable traits" whenever I'm on a date. Come on... they should be spontaneous right? If i really liked a girl, such trends will come naturally LATER right? But no no... they want to see them RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THEN. Heck stop putting so much onus on me will ya? Coz as long as they keep doing that, I end up comparing myself to other guys and that sucks. All the relationships I've been in, I've always felt second best. Damn I'm not even second best right now.

At the end of the day I end up imposing too much as well so it's fair. The after effects of long term relationships sucks ass. When I'm 40, unmarried and still bitching about this on my blog, I'll regret it. But that's like twenty years from now...