Sunday, January 21, 2007

In the end...

I remember I was around fifteen when the linkin's park craze was happening. One song that stuck to my head of course was this one. Well not the song really, just the lyrics.

I tried so hard and got so far,
In the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all...

Yes I've always been a pessimist. The truth is I don't like being that way. 2006 had been a brilliant year, it really has. New job, new friends, old friends... God has blessed this year in many ways. Yet there's consistantly one area where I can appearantly never win. For those of you who know me would be really quite certain of what i'm refering to. In fact most of you would probably think me foolish to be still haunted by such ancient matters. It's been hard, but the only thing that kept me going was hope... and Faith.

Everything is ment to be broken, but methinks everything can be and ought to be repaired. I've given my all to repair it, believe me. I've lost friends, shed tears, stayed up sleepless nights... but I perservered. I have a knack of doing that, some say that's my virtue. I don't want to be the one to guy who stands by and watch well... you know... things happen. It's killing me.

I don't know what's going to happen but I fear for the worst. I want it all and I've put in every effort waiting out the storm. Yes it did hurt but I took every bit of it with faith that things will get better. But if it's going to turn out... ugly... I'm not prepared.

I don't know... I'm just a silly boy in love with hope and faith. Because i continue having faith that it's worth it to keep hoping for the best even in the face of disasters and discouragement.

I guess it's not exactly a bad thing, but it sure hurts like hell...