Thursday, January 29, 2009

How many more times...

do you intend to break my heart before you grant me peace...

You are the most impossible man i've ever met... if i ever make it to heaven i'm going to give you hell

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Early morning Youtubing

I think i can safely draw a few conclusions dropping out of these videos:

1) I love Burma
2) I love children
3) If ever I end up a priest, I want to be in rural Burma
4) I really should start hanging out with the Burmese community

Monday, January 26, 2009

Dear Jesus

Lord all things are possible with you,
I beg you with all my heart,
please have mercy on me

our father

Dear Neil,

It has been over a year since our last correspondance, and it is my sincere wish that you have been keeping well. O don't worry, this is not a pesky reminder of how much you owe me and how much you've hurt me when you decided to leave my side... that is the language of our enemy, I however am stronger than him... and much more generous. I write today because I can no longer bear to see you hurt by this... new master of yours. O what lies he has told you! You must be apprehensive of my love and compassion, given the elegant propagenda he has exposed you to, clearly defining me, your father, as a villian and a tempter. Now let us get to business and judge for yourself if I truly am such.

Let me begin with what you already know of me. I appeal to your logic, not your imaginations. I do not demand you to believe in a fiticious beliefs of grace and salvation but the beauty of your human intellect. You and i both know that such faith is true, and that he does exist, but what good is your faith if you do not place it in the right place through thorough delibration of your senses? Two years now you have dreamnt of doning a nice brown habit, which i personally find quite a work of art myself i must admit, only to find out how ridiculous a life of poverty, chastity and obedience is. Your blind faith has made you believe in a "call" that appealed to give some form of meaning in your life, even today you belive it is this blind faith and practise of your so called "spiritual discernment" that has led you to abandon the idea. My dear boy... you give yourself too little credit. It is your SENSES and REASON that made you abandon the idea. You have done something right for once even though you did not know it, that is depend on yourself to choose a way of life. I must say I am quite proud that you remembered so clearly the training i have given you...

Secondly let me elaborate a little on this noble mission of yours to... "save souls". Ahh yes you have a great love for humanity, as do i. Yet I fear the word love is not something that can be lightly defined. For this i urge you to look at this sudden love you have for your new master. How much time have you spent in useless idling you call "prayer"? How much effort have you spent serving in fruitless church ministry? How many people in need have you neglected simply to, as you say it "bring people closer to God"? In short, how much has your love for your master neglected you from those in real need? Now what you're doing is zapping people with a warm fuzzy feeling of knowing this new master of yours, and frankly that does not add a cent to their bank accounts, improve their qualities of life, or help them survive in the world one little bit. What you're simply doing is enslaving them more and more to their imagination that conjures "good feeling" to help them cope with life, but never truly facing life. Remember how you empowered your friends during your teenage days? YES that is true service! You are smarter than to be doing what you're doing but... to provide liberation to others you yourself must be liberated...

Ahh God's will... you must realize by now the lies you have been told, that true freedom is in doing God's will. I feel sorry for you my dear Neil... seeing how your foolish devotion has led you to much pain. How this so called unconditional "love" has caused you many wounds. Of course you console yourself by saying you're walking in the footsteps of the Nazarene but do you truly believe that you, a created being, will be given the same reward as his begotten son was? even if you do, can you truly bear to see face to face with someone who has caused your so much pain? Suffering is a part of life, truly, but you can choose to do it as a man or a slave. You my dear, are enslaved at this moment to your master's will. He has made you addicted to himself and has given you no option, no choice, no say against his whims and fancies. this is not good. you must break this addiction as soon as you can. Only then can you be truly free to live out your true dreams.

And lastly, let us speak of this little love affair you have entangled yourself in... ahh i can sense you fearing this topic even as i write this letter. You must admit that this is the biggest instrument your master has used to wound you and each day he will continue to do so until you are broken. Let's be realistic now... things will not get better. You are waiting like a hopeless prey waiting to be slaughtered. your master will prove his superiority and will not listen to you, he's just that stubborn you see... he will take her away from you, just as he did your cousin, and leave you with cursed agony to which only he has the remedy. this, i am afraid is how you will be further enslaved. Let me ask you now... is that how someone who respects you will treat you? Can you truly believe that such a deed is done... out of love for you?

Come back to me my dear neil... come back to me. You know that to truly posess freedom, glory and yes... women... is only through my teachings. Your maker has given you many gifts... do not waste them. See how I have taught charismatics to wield these gifts for their own glory in the name of the Nazerene when in fact they give glory to me. But you... you are different. I need not resort to subtlety in helping you find your way. See the priests that live on riches in the name of poverty? Or the ministers who wield power in the name of service? No... my plans for you are not so small... but i must insist on your consious consent. To posses a another person's soul is something beyond your capabilities... well for now. You must posess their mind, emotions and flesh. Only once you have mastered that, can you learn to possess someone's soul. You will be my instrument and there will be much rejoicing down below. You will be able to revenge all the pain your new master has caused upon you. Take this... as an open invitation...

With Affection,

Your Father Down Below

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I Thirst

for your love...

Friday, January 16, 2009

Dear Jesus

Grant me poverty, that I may always long for Your love,
Grant me charity, that I may share this love,
Grant me purity, that I may be unconditional in my love,
Grant me wisdom, that I may be docile to Your will,
Grant me courage, that I may follow Your will,
Grant me humility, that I may always learn to trust in You and You alone.

...Patience obtains everything...

Solos Dios Basta

You know what i want, but not by my will but by Your will.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Unto Moria

Unto Moria said the Holy One,
Three days on foot, I have walked in despair,
For there He bids me "Sacrifice your son",
The son He provided, to be my heir.

Moria! cried my son in glee
To God he bids his voice to sing
I kept silent, for he shall see
The God, for whom this son i bring

Atop the mountain, my heart exclaim,
This stabbing sorrow, the will of my God
Yet beyond the pain, my soul proclaim,
That He is my God, my love and my Lord.

Submit my soul, to the Lord of love,
Surrender my soul, to the Lord of hope,
Give in your mourning, unto divine dove,
With Him sing praises,a song of hope

Be crushed now, O wheat of my soul,
Be broken now, O vines of my soul,
A humble bread, you will soon be,
Wine of joy, you will soon be.

For the Lord will ever be your groom
Raise you as His triumph over all gloom,
Go now! Good and faithful servant
In furnace of salvation, you shall be sent.

Oh angels, won't you come to my aid?
Console me please for i'm afraid.
As at Moria joy unto Abraham brought,
As with Tobit as his love he sought
Oh angels, won't you come to my aid?

My life is in your hands O Lord,
I have obeyed, i now doth suffer.
My life is close to your heart O Lord
Afflicted and weak, from all i suffer.
My life is at your mercy O Lord
Have mercy Lord, please have mercy.

May Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven