Monday, February 02, 2009

Spiritual Mutant

I can't hate you, yet i can't love you.
I can't bless you, yet i can't curse you.
I want to stay away from you, but i want to be near you.
I want you to hurt, but it hurts me to see you hurt.
I think you're selfish, but i know you gave your life for me.
I think you don't care, but know you do...

God of the universe, I no longer belong to you, yet i am yours
I have become worse than what i was before,
I have become nothing.

I am the instrument which you have discarded. You do not dispose of me but keep me on your shelf. You do not play nor tune me whilst you busy yourself with others. Yet i cannot leave, but i will forever remain worthless to you.

I am that child crying alone in your house. My siblings you busy yourself with yet my tears, you do not hear. You give me not one drop of attention. Yet I cannot leave your house.

I am that actor whose role you don't remember. How you applaud and smile upon the leads yet to me you pay no attention. I am that actor who wants to please you but am not rewarded even by a slight acknowledgement.

I am that lover whom you have forsaken. Many nights i yearn for you hopelessly yet you refuse to show me your love. I cry out for you while you busy yourself with others but you will not even glace at me. How long must i live only on memories of what we used to have?

I am that patient you have refused to heal. You have wounded me but deny me remedy. You leave me for death alone on my bed.

I am that boy in love with that girl, the one you chose for yourself. God of the universe you have deceived me, you have deceived me. You have seduced me yet deny me the joy. You have taken my heart and gave me back none. I have given you my all and you have given me nothing.

God of the universe, let us break up. If this is your will, at least give me that dignity and grace to hate you.


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